Now writing at FANTASYBASEBALLMAFIA.com

Fantasybaseballmafia.com is a great little website with several helpful fantasy baseball columns and podcasts. They also organize their own "Mafia" fantasy baseball leagues, and my 12 team keeper league is through their site.

Anyway, since my brain is always bursting with fantasy baseball thoughts, I emailed them about writing some content, and I'm now writing a column called 'KEEPING' IT REAL that focuses on specific players and whether or not they're worth placing on a 5-man keeper list for next season.

Granted, I'm in my first keeper league this season, but I'm absolutely running away with it, so my expertise is pretty reliable, I think. (12 team league, 10 categories, I currently have 116.5 points... that's out of 120... which is ridiculously good, since most leagues are won with about 100).

See my columns at www.fantasybaseballmafia.com

I write as "Dan in Los Angeles"

Direct links to the first two columns...

Jay Bruce: http://www.fantasybaseballmafia.com/fbm/2008/08/20/%e2%80%98keeping%e2%80%99-it-real/

Jason Bay: http://www.fantasybaseballmafia.com/fbm/2008/08/27/%e2%80%98keeping%e2%80%99-it-real-2/

Hottest rock star daughters and my new future wife...

Care of Coed Magazine

http://www. coedmagazine. com/news/Daily-Specials/8999

My new future wife... Lily Collins.

Top 7 Reasons:

7. Super-hot

6. Brunette

5. Legal (age 19)

4. Currently attending USC

3. Majoring in broadcast journalism (and not some bullshit art degree)

2. British accent (I'm assuming)

And the "no duh" #1...

IF WE MARRIED, PHIL COLLINS WOULD BE MY FATHER IN LAW!

Imagine the possibilities! Backyard barbeques with Eric Clapton. Two-on-two basketball with Mike Rutherford and Daryl Stuermer. Dodger games with Peter Gabriel. I must make this happen.


LILY COLLINS, FUTURE MRS. YDY

Trailer and Clips for "Choke"

"Choke" is adapted from a book by Chuck Palahniuk, writer of "Fight Club". It stars Sam Rockwell as a sex addict who works as a historical re-enactor and earns sympathy for choking on food in restaurants and letting himself be "saved" by friendly patrons. It looks as cool as it sounds.
Trailer

Clip 1- At the sex addict meeting.

Clip 2- Re-enacting

Clip 3- Rape fantasies

Clip 4- Awkward moment

The number one song 15 years ago was...

"Informer" by Snow

Yes, really.

According to this website

http://www.joshhosler.biz/NumberOneInHistory/SelectMonth.htm

which allows you to view the #1 Billboard song for any date and year, the number one song from March 7th to April 24th (7 weeks!) in 1993 was this:
"Informer"


I'd love to rip this to shreds, but it's late and (obviously) I can't sing it myself so there must be some difficulty to it. I wonder what ever happened to this guy? I don't know, but a white guy who reggae raps while wearing eyeglasses and calling himself "Snow" probably had a rough patch here or there.

The lyrics of this song have been a point of debate for a while. For example, this is supposedly the hook (courtesy of WikiLyrics):

informer
you no say daddy me snow im gonna blame
a licky boom boom down
detective man said daddy snow i stabbed someone down the lane
a licky boom boom down

Despite how senseless the "a licky boom boom down" is, I'll take issue with something that lyrics sites seem to universally agree with: the word "blame". But does he really say blame? At the 3:35 mark of the video, he almost certainly seems to be saying "I go blam" and making a gun motion, no?

So does anyone really know what he's saying? Maybe he's the only one who knows. And we can rip on him as much as we rip on "Ice Ice Baby", but he has the last laugh. He knows all the REAL lyrics. And he had a number one song for 7 weeks. Dammit.

Here's a mildly clever In Living Color parody of the video (with Jim Carrey and Tommy Davidson):


A licky boom boom down.

Nate McLouth- the new Eric Byrnes?

In both of my fantasy baseball leagues (my SportingNews.com / Fantasy Baseball Mafia League and my Yahoo league with friends and family) I spent late-round draft choices on Nate McLouth, an outfielder for the Pittsburgh Pirates.

McLouth was largely unknown to me until I started my fantasy baseball research this year, but look at his career stats and you can see reason for interest. Add the very productive Spring numbers he's putting up (14 for 39, hitting .359, 10 runs, 6 doubles, 2 HR, 3 SB) and you have to think that a breakout year is coming.

His career stats, courtesy of the very helpful website
www.thebaseballcube.com :
Nate Mclouth's career minor and major league stats

As you can see, he was a .292 hitter in the minor leagues, which is a world apart from his .249 major league average. The difference could be pinned on the fact that he's been a part-time player for most of his career and that, given a full major league season, he could end up in the .280 range. His .367 OBP in the minors and the .351 last year (only batting .258) shows he has plate discipline and his average will probably improve.

He's shown speed on every level, swiping 22 bases last year and being caught just once, and this was in just 368 plate appearances. 600 plate appearances could put him in the 35-40 steal range, which would be very valuable because he has power too.

In 768 major league plate appearances (which translates to a little more than a full season), he has 25 home runs. He's only got 66 RBI, but you can attribute that to the lack of opportunity by only batting lead-off (or 9th) in Pittsburgh's order in all of his games.

Now, most experts agree that Eric Byrnes' 2007 total of 50 stolen bases is the absolute ceiling for him. He's 32 years old, and even his best seasons in the past have had him in the 20-25 steals range. Like McLouth, Byrnes often showed the potential to be a solid power-speed, 20-20 guy who could hit .280 or .290 and play solid defense in any outfield spot.

McLouth certainly seems to be very similar, but he's going very late or undrafted in many of the mock drafts I've taken part in on www.mockdraftcentral.com . The biggest reasons for this probably are that he's a guy who has never logged a 500 at-bat season, and he came into spring training competing for the starting centerfielder job with Nyjer Morgan. Morgan is having an okay spring, but McLouth really locked the job up, by all accounts.

I actually prefer McLouth over Justin Upton in non-keeper leagues, which might seem silly, but you might remember that Justin's brother BJ fizzled in his early major league shots before becoming a top 30 fantasy player, and I worry that this season might be similar to the 140 at-bats he had for the big club last year, where he hit only .221 with 2 homers and 2 steals. At the age of 20, you have to wonder if he's ready to be a big league outfielder.

I like McLouth for a .270-.280 average this year, with 20 or so homers, and possibly 30-35 steals, depending on how much they let him run. That might sound strange, but he managed to have a 13 HR, 22 SB season last year in only 329 at-bats, so if you project that to 550 at-bats, you get 22 HR and 37 SBs. And you could get this guy in the last three rounds of the draft. Pretty outstanding value, ain't it?

The Butterfield Diet (and more!)

I might have to try this diet.
What's a potato grid?


More Butterfield:

The Butterfield Hotel


The Butterfield Detective Agency


The Butterfield Time Line


Butterfield Direct


The Butterfield Karaoke Bar
Butterfield Karaoke Bar

Epic Car Chase

From To Live and Die in L.A., starring William Petersen, Willem Dafoe, John Pankow. Directed by William Friedkin

CSI: YDY

Okay, so spurred by my recent viewing of To Live and Die in L.A. (which I deem to be one of the greatest cop movies ever made), I wanted to learn more about William Petersen and discovered that I was probably the only person on the planet who didn't know he was the star of the hit television show CSI. It's been running on CBS since the year 2000. I don't really watch CBS, so I guess I can use that as an excuse for never seeing an episode of the most popular show of the decade.

That's correct, I've NEVER seen an episode of CSI. Wow, I'm a tool.

Anyway, here's the mission: I am going to try to see every episode of CSI every produced. In order. By the end of the year. There are 176 episodes thus far. I have Netflix and have found them streaming online so I think this is possible. I'm trying to see one a day but we'll see how long I can maintain that pace.

I'll be periodically updating my thoughts. For now I'm 6 episodes in, and here's what I think:

-The first few episodes seem very hacky and disjointed, kind of cheesy. But that's common for any show starting out I'm sure.
-Petersen looks pretty old sometimes, particularly on and around the neck.
-I think I want more stuff about the characters' personal lives, but the only one we know much about through 6 episodes is the single mom, who I find very dull.
-The acting is good but nothing special thus far. Except for Petersen. He kicks ass.

Reporter can't hear shit

Melanie Morales still works for Fox 28 in South Bend, Indiana, by the way.

How to properly use a public bathroom

1. Enter

Try not to touch the door, particularly on the inside. Why? Door handles (for bathrooms and just in general) are the dropping ground for all of the bacteria that people’s hands touch throughout the day. Hopefully the bathroom you’re using pushes open from one side so you can just shoulder or kick the door open on your way in or out. However, if you have to touch the door handle, that’s actually sort of excusable here, just don’t do something stupid like touch your face immediately afterwards. Why might it be okay to touch the door handle?

2. Wash Hands

Yes, wash your hands before you expel your fluids. The reasoning for this makes perfect sense- you’ve shaken hands, touched doorknobs, unclean tables, and a variety of other things that have likely loaded your hand with bacteria before entering the bathroom. Now you’re about to touch your private parts, the one area of your body you definitely don’t want any bacteria or infections.

Washing your hands is not a simple matter of splashing some water and soap on them. Most experts recommend spending at least 20 seconds scrubbing your digits and palms. Really think about that. Count out 20 seconds at the sink- it’ll feel like an eternity but if you’re like me you’ll feel the difference in how clean your hands feel. And really use the soap to scrub your hands. Too often I see people simply gobbing a little soap on their palms and immediately rinsing them off. Work up a lather and make your mommy proud by washing between your fingers, the back of your hands, etc. Even get those wrists clean. Then dry thoroughly with paper towels (hoping they haven’t completely switched to the blower things). You’ll want to turn off the faucet with a paper towel on your hand, since it’s been touched repeatedly by people who just touched their penises (to turn the water on) and then probably didn’t properly wash their hands (turning it off).

After washing, you may want to hang on to one of those paper towels.

3a. Urinal

A lot of the urinal stuff is basic. Don’t stand in a puddle. Don’t touch any part of the urinal. Be aware that the guy next to you might have less than perfect aim.

If there is any noticeable liquid in the urinal when you step up to it, flush it immediately (don’t touch the handle, use the paper towel). If you’re not sure, flush just to be safe. You don’t want to risk your pee splashing the pee of the last user back onto you. If he couldn’t even manage to flush a urinal, who knows where he’s been?

After you pee, flush the urinal with paper towel again (if possible) or, if it’s low enough to the ground, use your foot. If you absolutely have to flush with your hand, realize that your hand is touching an object that countless men have grabbed immediately after holding their dicks. Your hand is now tainted and must be washed immediately.

(Note: if your urinal has one of those auto-flush sensors, you’re probably in luck, but you should still be aware that they do not always work and there may still be urine left in the bowl).

3b. Toilet/Stall

So you need to have a seat. As much as I’d like to discourage going number two in a public restroom, it can be done. Grab a paper towel on your way in, if you can. Use the paper towel to touch the lock as you lock the door, since this lock has been touched by countless people immediately after they had fingers at their asses (as they left the stall). If you have no paper towel, unroll part of the toilet paper, being careful not to touch the first 5-6 inches of it. This part has likely been touched by the previous user and may still have fecal matter on it. Toss this first piece in the toilet and flush (touch the flusher with a “fresh” piece of toilet paper). Use “fresh” TP to lock the door, if you haven’t yet.

Grab a wad of TP and wipe the toilet seat, being very careful to not directly touch any urine, feces, toilet water, etc. Also wipe the front lip of the bowl (if the seat is a horseshoe shape and not a complete oval or circle- most seats are horseshoes) in case your junk or hand at some point makes contact with it. Toss this paper in the bowl, but you don’t have to flush this wad, really.

Now the shocker: I don’t use a toilet seat cover. Sounds crazy, I know, but those things are far more trouble than they’re worth (might soak up urine, fall in toilet, get stuck to your ass, etc.), and really far more risks in a bathroom come from what your hands touch than what your ass touches. Think about it. In a given day, your hands touch your food, your face, your ears, your friends, your coworkers, your desk. Your ass touches… the inside of your pants? Not much risk of disease there. As long as your not sitting in urine or feces, you should be just fine. 20/20 did a study on this a few years ago, and they found virtually no risk in sitting on a toilet seat, and oftentimes those toilet seat covers aren’t all that clean to start with. So sit and shit. Don’t touch the newspapers or magazines someone else has left in there. Wipe thoroughly. Use a wad of TP to unlock the door. Toss it in the bowl as you depart.

4. Wash Hands Part 2

Now, this is the part you’re really doing for everyone else (unless you had to touch that flusher handle). Let’s assume you’re a clean person who takes care of themselves, has no major diseases, doesn’t sweat profusely, etc. (and of course, you’ve read this and been careful not to let bathroom germs get on your hands). If this is the case, going out and shaking hands with the world after touching your junk shouldn’t really pose much of a germ hazard, but it’s polite to wash after you’ve done your business. And always wash before handling food (duh).

As before, work a good lather and wash as if you were scrubbing a dish or removing some imaginary goo from your hands. If you need to wash your face, now would be the time. Turn the water off (again, grab paper towel and use as a “glove”) and dry yourself.

5. Exit

As entering, be careful not to directly touch the door or any of its knobs or handles. Be even more careful now, actually, because everyone who didn’t wash after touching their private areas has touched this side of the door and any handles on it. If you absolutely have to touch the door (no paper towel in bathroom, or whatever) try to touch it high up. You might look silly doing it but it’s likely that very few people (if any) have touched this part of the door. Toss any paper towels in the wastebasket as you exit, or take it with you and dispose of it when you get outside the restroom.

FAQ:

-That seems like it uses a lot of paper towel. Isn’t that bad for the environment?

Answer: Not at all. Paper conservation is completely unnecessary and has been perpetuated by the myth that the U.S. is short on paper. In actuality, U.S. logging has never been more bountiful (thanks technology!) and is hindered mostly by uninformed environmentalists who fight to “save” forests that are replanted at least tenfold in the same area (agricultural advancements!). Also, once you get used to all the bathroom steps, you’ll find yourself able to use paper towels and toilet paper for more than just one “glove” activity.

-Still, isn’t all of that paper towel cluttering up a landfill and depleting resources?

Answer: Wrong again. U.S. landfill space isn’t even close to full, and recycling is really just a wasteful government program that pumps out air pollution (from recycling plants, transportation) while wasting tax money (on separate truck pick-ups, horrible menial jobs, factory upkeep). Also, for everything other than aluminum, it costs more to recycle it than it does to create new products (bad for the economy!). Oh, and glass recycling plants tend to have problems with keeping glass particles out of the air of the surrounding communities (feel free to websearch “glass dust” for info on this). Here’s some real info about recycling, courtesy of Penn & Teller’s Bullsh*t: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-1444391672891013193

-All of this procedural stuff seems like it would waste a lot of time, wouldn’t it?

Answer: Not really. You will spend a little more time in the restroom, thoroughly washing your hands and whatnot, but once you follow the steps a few times you’ll coast right through it. It’s like any other routine- once it’s repeated enough, you move through it quickly.

-You seem like a neat freak of Howard Hughes levels of concern. Are you?

Answer: Hardly. One look at my own bathroom will reveal that I’m not a complete slob but I’m nowhere near that neat freak level (of course, I don’t worry about infecting myself with anything in my own, unshared bathroom). I’ve had two colds in three years, and neither lasted particularly long, so I’ve done a pretty good job of avoiding those unnecessary germs.

-Will you be writing step-by-step procedures for other germy places, like commercial airplanes?

Answer: Possibly down the road.

Yeah Dude Yeah- not your average blog

So let's get it straight- this is not one of those whiny, mundane, "woe is me" blogs. I'm not going to rant about my personal life, seeking sympathy from strangers. I'm not seeking fame or fortune. I'm not seeking attention. You won't find mindless humor, or pompous intellectualism. So that ought to define what this won't be.

As for what it will be... that's undefined so far. Yeah Dude Yeah is a mindless catchphrase, but in a way it articulates the the very ideal I'm seeking to follow for now. Go with the flow, enjoy life, have a few laughs, a few drinks, a few tokes (if that's your thing), and know that we all end up six feet under or blowing in the wind and that nothing is going to stop that from happening.

Defining this blog, I listed most of what are vital topics of my life, though I'm sure I forgot some. These are things I know, things I experience, so that's what I can write intelligently about. Maybe it's not for you, but hey, that's the breaks. If you like it, check in once in a while, let me know what you think, enjoy the ride. Should be a fun one. Yeah dude, yeah.